10/12/2008

Palin Lies About Troopergate Report

Palin Makes Troopergate Assertions that Are Flatly False

“Well, I’m very very pleased to be cleared of any legal wrongdoing,” Palin said, “any hint of any kind of unethical activity there. Very pleased to be cleared of any of that.”


uh, whaaaa? Is she talking about an alternate universe??


From the report itself (downloadable directly from the state of Alaska here)

FINDINGS:
Finding Number One
For the reasons explained in section IV of this report, I find that Governor Sarah Palin abused her power by violating Alaska Statute 39.52.110(a) of the Alaska Executive Branch Ethics Act. Alaska Statute 39.52.110(a) provides
The legislature reaffirms that each public officer holds office as a public trust, and any effort to benefit a personal or financial interest through official action is a violation of that trust.
Finding Number Two
I find that, although Walt Monegan’s refusal to fire Trooper Michael Wooten was not the sole reason he was fired by Governor Sarah Palin, it was likely a contributing factor to his termination as Commissioner of Public Safety. In spite of that, Governor Palin’s firing of Commissioner Monegan was a proper and lawful exercise of her constitutional and statutory authority to hire and fire executive branch department heads.
Finding Number Three
Harbor Adjustment Service of Anchorage, and its owner Ms. Murleen Wilkes, handled Trooper Michael Wooten’s workers’ compensation claim property and in the normal course of business like any other claim processed by Harbor Adjustment Service and Ms. Wilkes. Further, Trooper Wooten received all the workers’ compensation benefits to which he was entitled.
Finding Number Four
The Attorney General’s office has failed to substantially comply with my August 6, 2008 written request to Governor Sarah Palin for infomration about the case in the form of emails.

Oct 12, 2008 6:59:48 PM

2 Comments

Téa

"For you, this is virgin territory" is what DWTS judge Bruno said to "teen advocate" Bristol Palin right after she moved around on the dance floor with her partner Mark Ballas. Bruno is truly a gift, because you know that line has been marinating on the tip of his unicorn tongue ever since he found out that Bristol was a contestant. I'm no Sookeh Stackhouse, but I could still read the minds of every trick in that audience. They were all thinking the exact same thing: TOO EASY. And Bristol herself made it too too easy (Bruno wrote that line).

First of all, Bristol danced to "Mama Told Me (Not To Come)." Mama should've told Levi not to cum. IF ONLY. But that song has always bothered me, because what kind of creepy ass mama cares if her child experiences the pleasure of a jizz bust or not? Focus on your own cum, mama!

Second of all, Bristol started off her performance in a bedazzled Sarah Palin-like serious suit and ripped it off shortly after. Bristol is trying hard to shock us, but her execution is shit! What kind of striptease was that?! An amputee turtle could've done a sexier striptease.

I mean, when Bristol let her bun out, she didn't even whip her hair back and forth (Willow Smith is crying into her Converse leggings right now). Doesn't Bristol know that you're supposed to shake the homely out of your hair in order to summon the sexiness? Bristol just stood there like a flaccid dick in a cold shower. She needs to watch more 80s movies where the homely nerd becomes a sex goddess by taking off her glasses and shaking her bun out. This is your homework for the week, Bristol!

With all that being said, Bristol wasn't the worst. I expected her to give us the second coming of Kate Gosselin by stomping around like she's filled with concrete, but she didn't. Michael Bolton took that honor. The judges told Bristol that she showed promise and they gave her a 6-6-6. The Illuminati works in mysterious ways (Second case in point: Sarah Palin used "OVER THE MOON" on her Twitter).

Here's a picture from last night's after party. I feel like I need to close the door, because I think we're witnessing another conception.

Posted by: Téa | 09/21/2010 at 08:20 AM

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